She Took My Heart and Went Crazy 4 Read online

  She Took My Heart and Went Crazy

  4

  Written By: A’zayler

  1. Don’t Look At Me

  “Yeshi! No! Don’t open that!” Logan took off running toward the sliding glass door that led to her balcony.

  It was black dark outside, with the only light coming from inside her house. Yeshi was at the door with one hand on the handle, and the other pressed flat against the door. With the majority of his weight resting on the glass door and the rest of it on his wobbly legs, it took nothing for his body to sway from side to side. His head had been down, but upon hearing her scream, he’d turned it in her direction.

  The bloodshot red eyes and tear stained face was evidence of his inner pain, while the small liquor bottle he’d just brought to his lips remained the constant boulder between his turmoil and his healing. Logan watched as Yeshi’s hand shook violently while he poured the brown liquid down his throat. It made her stomach flip every time he gulped more down.

  “Yeshi, come away from the balcony, baby.”

  As if she hadn’t just told him to do the exact opposite, Yeshi pushed the door open further and walked out. In a hurry, Logan followed him outside with her heart in her throat. Her loft was on the fourth floor with an open balcony. She’d surely die and go to Heaven if he fell over the side. Though it wasn’t designed for an easy slip, Yeshi was too big and way too intoxicated for her to stop him if one of his demons told him to jump.

  “Why you out here, Yesh? It’s cold.”

  Yeshi’s head came up to her and held her gaze. She was standing next to him with her arms folded over her chest trying her best to appear as calm as she could. On the inside, she’d already called the ambulance, the morgue, Killian, and anyone else who would be needed if he decided to catapult himself over the white banister.

  “Since when you call me Yesh?” he asked as if her shortening his name was a problem.

  “I don’t know. I just heard Killian say it. I thought it would be okay. You don’t like it?”

  Yeshi frowned and took a seat in her wicker chair. “Not when you say it.” He watched her as he took a long sip from the liquor he was holding. “You call me Yeshi or baby like you always do. I like that better. Save that Yesh shit for my niggas. They don’t mean shit to me, but you do.”

  Logan used that as her entrance into his mind. “Since when I meant something to you?” She eased around and took a seat on his lap.

  If she could do nothing else, she could at least make it harder for him to move. She made sure to press all her weight into his lap and turned to the side so that she could see his face. His eyes had pooled with water again, and he had sweat pouring from his forehead like a faucet. His juicy lips hung open, still wet from the leftover liquor.

  “Since I met you,” he snarled. “You know that shit.”

  “Why are you so angry with me? What did I do to you?” Logan wiped the sweat from his forehead and rubbed it on her jeans. “All I did was go to the party and come right back to you like I said I would.”

  “You should never have fucking left!” Yeshi’s yell came out of nowhere, making Logan jump. “If you would have been here when I got the call, I never would have got back like this.” He fumed as saliva dripped from his mouth.

  Logan sat in his lap, repulsed by the state he was in. His eyes were glossy and wet while his large body lay slumped backward in the chair. His head was still covered by the hood of the hoodie he was wearing while snot and sweat rested on his top lip.

  “I’m sorry, Yeshi,” Logan said the only thing she could think to say.

  There was no way possible she would allow him to place his drunken state on her. He was grown and had done what he wanted to do.

  “I didn’t know.” Logan wrapped her arms around Yeshi’s neck and pulled his head so that it rested on her breasts.

  He sniffed hard a few times, trying to stop the flow of tears, but it eventually overtook him, and he began to cry. He cried so hard that his body moved hers every time it quaked.

  Logan’s heart broke for him a thousand times over as she held him.

  “We were both so fucked up.” Yeshi shook his head. “I couldn’t help her… not like this,” he mumbled while pulling his head away from Logan.

  “God’s got it. Everything will be okay.”

  Logan had thought that bringing God into play would make him feel better, but she had been sadly mistaken.

  “God?” He scoffed. “I don’t want to hear nothing about no God. He let this happen to us!”

  Logan shrank back as she listened to him blaspheme against Christ. She was insulted in the deepest parts of her heart, but she had to remember that he was speaking from an unbelieving and broken heart. Anything could roll out of his mouth at that point.

  “What kind of God allows bad things to happen to kids?” Yeshi was now watching her as if waiting for an answer. “I mean, some really fucked up shit happened to us, and you mean to tell me your God, who is supposed to love everybody, just sat there and let it happen?” Yeshi sucked his teeth and drank the rest of the liquor in the bottle.

  Logan sighed in relief as he tossed the empty bottle to the ground. Hopefully, he didn’t have more stashed anywhere that he’d be pulling out at his next urge to drink.

  “Yeshi.” Logan rubbed her hand down the side of his face, and he grabbed it before roughly removing it.

  “Nah, don’t call my name. Tell me what I need to know. You’re a daddy’s girl and shit,” he slurred. “Tell me why the fuck this happened.”

  “God isn’t to be questioned, Yeshi. He didn’t make that stuff to happen to you. He may have allowed it to make you into the person you are today, but he definitely didn’t have a tortured childhood in his plans for you or Katana. You think he wanted you and your sister to be hurt this bad? Of course, he didn’t. The devil has the power to possess people as well. The same way you’re possessed with this alcoholic demon.” Logan grabbed his face roughly when he turned his head away from her. “Stop! Look at me, and act like an adult.”

  Yeshi frowned but kept his gaze on her.

  “You’ve gone through a lot, but so have a lot of other people. You can’t curse God for that. You can’t curse anyone for it. You’ve grown past it and became a successful young king. This drinking is just a crutch, and it’s time for you to stop.”

  Logan was a lot more forceful, and it seemed to be working. He no longer looked so combative and actually looked like he was listening.

  “I’m sorry that bad stuff happened to you, just like I’m sorry this happened to your sister.” Logan pecked his mouth when his eyes watered again. “But you have to get a hold of yourself. You’re going to let this alcohol get the best of you… and it’ll ruin you. Please, please, just stop.” Logan rested her forehead against his. “Come on, Yeshi. You got this, baby. If you don’t, I do. I promise I got you.”

  When she felt him nodding his head, she wrapped his head in her arms and held him close. His cries were filled with so much sorrow that she ended up crying with him. Logan wasn’t sure how so much time had passed without her noticing, but it was nearly three hours later when they went back into her house.

  “You want to go to your bed?” Logan looked up at him.

  With one of her arms looped through his, she helped him toward the hallway, but he resisted. “Nah, let me stay right here.”

  Yeshi pulled away and fell backward onto the sofa. His body took up her entire sofa as he lay sprawled out on his back. His arms and legs fell over the sides while his head rested on the back. The whites of his eyes were all Logan could see as he lay with his eyes partially open.

  “Yeshi?” she questioned, and his eyes rolled. “You okay?”
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br />   He nodded and turned his head away from her so that it was facing the back of the sofa. He was obviously worn out, and on the verge of sleep, so she walked away. Calling her name, he stopped her.

  “Yes?” She crouched down next to him.

  “Can you get me a trash can?”

  Logan was back on her feet and grabbing the steel waste bin from her bathroom. When it was placed snuggly next to the bottom of the sofa, she bent over and kissed the side of his mouth.

  “I’m here.”

  Yeshi’s open palm cupped the back of her head to stop her from moving again. “Go in your room.”

  “Why?”

  Yeshi sighed as if he was frustrated. “Just do what I said.”

  Logan could feel the irritation in his voice, so she nodded and stood to her feet. Before she walked off, she watched him for a little bit longer, taking in all of what he was. Deep sympathy and an overwhelming amount of hurt weighed on her heart for him. He was in such need and didn’t even know it.

  “Jesus,” she whispered before walking away.

  Logan had barely gotten into her room before a fresh set of hot tears flowed from her eyes. Yeshi and all his issues were beginning to be too much. She needed to pray. Immediately falling to her knees, Logan went into prayer for Yeshi. He was so deep in the middle of spiritual warfare and didn’t even know how to fight it so she would do it for him with no problem.

  “Lord, how am I supposed to do this? Why did you bring me this man? What do you want me to do with him? He’s filled with so much sorrow and pain, Lord. I need you to bring some serious healing into his heart and into my life. You know me, and you know I’ll fight if you need me to, but God, you’re going to have to give me the strength. I can’t do this alone.” Logan pleaded with God as deep as she could with Yeshi in mind.

  With her eyes clenched tight and head bowed before the Lord, Logan convened with God on all the necessary things that surrounded Yeshi. Her heart was filled with love and emotion as she cried before God. She was just about to go into another realm of prayer when she heard a loud noise coming from her living room. In an instant, she was on her feet and headed for Yeshi.

  You were built for a time such as this. Take care of him while I take care of you.

  Logan’s heart constricted as she heard the voice of the Lord. His words were so clear in her spirit that it was as if he was in the hallway with her and had literally spoken in her ear.

  “Why me, Lord?”

  Why not you?

  Logan’s head fell forward as she immediately received her answer. She could hardly think straight enough to move, let alone continue her walk into the living room to check on Yeshi. Her back was pressed against the wall as she slid down so that she was seated on the floor when Yeshi came stumbling around the corner. With one hand on his stomach and one hand covering his mouth, he moved toward the bathroom as best as he could. Logan snatched her feet back so that he wouldn’t trip.

  “Yeshi?” She stood to her feet and followed him into the bathroom.

  Unable to get the toilet lid open fast enough, vomit spewed from his mouth all over the bathroom floor and the side of the shower door. Logan jumped back to avoid getting messy.

  “Don’t come in here!” he yelled through his hurls.

  “Just let me help you.”

  “No!” He waved her away before kicking the door closed in her face.

  Logan stood dumbfounded on the other side of the door, once again questioning God about his decision to place Yeshi in her life.

  “Let me go pray.” Logan huffed before turning toward her room and marching back to Jesus, where she was sure Yeshi was going to keep her.

  Time passed before he finally emerged shirtless from the bathroom. His bare chest glistened with sweat as he stood against the door with his shirt hanging from his hand. His face was also wet, but that appeared to be water. It looked different than when he was sweating. Since Logan was still on the side of her bed, she was able to look directly in his face, and what a beautiful face it was.

  His gaze on her was strong. Almost like he was peering through her eyes and straight into her soul. The slight lean in his posture gave way to his still very drunken state, but it looked to be a little lighter now. He wasn’t as sloppy as he’d been on the balcony or in the hallway, but he wasn’t the normal, sober Yeshi who she’d become so infatuated with either.

  “Come here, handsome.” Logan’s hand stretched out toward him, and he came.

  Extremely slow, but he padded toward her. Like an innocent child, his movement was soft and uncertain. It took him a minute to get comfortable on the floor in front of her. His hands were in his lap as he turned his head so that he wasn’t making eye contact with her. Logan leaned over some, trying to see his face, but he denied her at every turn.

  “Don’t look at me.”

  “Aww, why, baby?” Logan touched his ankle.

  “I feel disgusting.” He shook his head. “This shit is embarrassing.”

  Logan sighed. “I just want to kiss and hug you, Yeshi.”

  He said nothing, so she sat up and scooted between his legs. His long arms lay limply next to the side of his body while his chest relaxed some from her presence.

  “You know I got you, right?” She rubbed his shoulders before grabbing his face and making him look at her. “I need you more than you think you need me. Don’t be embarrassed.”

  With a few more slides up toward Yeshi, Logan was close enough to kiss and hug him. Her arms snaked around his body as she lay her head against him. Logan inhaled a deep breath of Yeshi and all his male presence and fell in love. Even reeking of liquor and feeling sorry for himself, he was it for her.

  “It feels so good to be near you.” She closed her eyes. “You’re still such a powerful man, even in your weak moments.” A quick peck to his chest followed her words. “Never forget that.” Logan scooted closer to Yeshi before grabbing his hands and putting them on her hips. “Hold me back.”

  Yeshi’s grip wasn’t as tight as it normally was, but it was there. “Why you be all up on me?”

  “Because you make me feel good.”

  “How?”

  Logan shrugged. “Just by being you. There’s nothing specific. It’s just you.”

  He was quiet while she simply enjoyed his embrace. “It’s some bad shit about me that I think you need to know.”

  “Not tonight. Tell me when you’re better.” Logan pecked his chest and closed her eyes.

  He wasn’t ready. If he told her anything right then, it would only magnify the pain he felt behind the death of his sister, and she didn’t want that. Versus allowing him to disclose the reason behind his pain, she’d rather make him forget that and everything else that was tied to it.

  When his embraced tightened, she knew she’d made the right decision. “I thought you wanted to kiss me.”

  Logan smiled and sat up. His usual flirtatious smirk wasn’t there. His face was still blank, but he was actually looking at her, so she took advantage. Her mouth was on his and covering his lips within seconds. Initially, she’d gone full force, but the taste of liquor and vomit slowed her down and eventually made her pull away. It was disgusting, and the last thing she wanted to do was be turned off by her man.

  “Do you wanna be mine, Logan?”

  Logan looked at his lips before answering. “Yes,” she told him, still staring at the plump, pink mouth in front of her.

  “You be telling me that you want me, but I know you really don’t. You can’t possibly want a nigga as fucked up as me in your peaceful ass life.”

  “Why can’t I?” Logan fiddled with the drawstring on his pants. “Besides, my life hasn’t always been this peaceful. I know how to deal with certain things.”

  “Don’t act like you don’t see this shit I’m on. It ain’t gon’ just go away, and what kind of shit you was in? Fights in the choir stand? Brawl at the church picnic?”

  Logan smirked and rolled her eyes before pinching the middle of his neck.
A smile graced his handsome face then as well.

  “You think you’re so funny, but I’m for real. I hope you don’t think you’re the only bad boy that I’ve ever had.”

  It was quiet with her avoiding eye contact until he turned her head with the pad of his pointer finger. His thick eyebrows were raised in question as he tilted his head to the side and waited for her to expound.

  “What?”

  “You know what.”

  A quick roll of her eyes spoke before she did. “My ex, he was a real street dude. He had some personal issues too. Nothing like yours, but he needed me the same.” She shrugged. “I guess you can say I have a thing for the underdog.”

  “Is that what you think of me? That I’m the underdog?”

  “Nope. I actually think you’re sexy, and handsome, and tall, and sexually frustrating, and smart, and… mine.” Logan pecked his lips. “I think you’ll be good for me if you let yourself. I already know I’ll be good to you so I won’t say that again.” She smiled widely at him. “I think I’ve told you that enough already. You know.”

  Yeshi’s eyes glazed over. “I don’t see how you think all of that because I ain’t none of it.”

  “Yes, you are, Yeshi. I…” She bit back the four-letter word that she knew would bring him peace. “I’m here for you for real. I want your soul.”

  His eyes were the most beautiful ones she’d ever seen as she held his face between her hands. “We’re going to get past this. Whether it be the easy or the hard way, I’m going to be here regardless, so don’t even think I’ll leave because I won’t. I’m built for this.”

  His eyebrows rose while a small smile tugged at his lips. “You think so?”

  “I know so.”

  “How you know?”

  “Because God told me.” She rubbed her fingers over his eyes when he went to roll them. “Once all of this is over, and you’re past it, you’ll see for yourself.”

  “I can’t wait for that day.”

  Logan sucked her teeth. “Who you telling?”

  His laughter started out low but grew louder and harder. Before long, she was too was laughing.