She Took My Heart and Went Crazy 3 Read online

  Once they were back in the room they were supposed to share, he closed the door behind them. When he was sure it was locked, he turned to face her and was met with her hands on his face. She’d grabbed him and pulled him to her mouth before he could make another move. Her lips were on his while her tongue forced its way into his mouth.

  Killian had absolutely no objections. Clearly, sex was both of their love language because she was on the same thing as he was. Her hands were all over his body and pulling at his clothes until she’d gotten them partially off. In nothing but his sweatpants and shoes, Killian picked her up and carried her to the bed.

  Along the way, he kicked his shoes off. When East was comfortable on her back, he pulled her shorts off before removing his bottoms as well. Their nakedness couldn’t collide fast enough. He was on her roughly, pulling and tugging at her thighs while she’d clasped onto his back and refused to let go.

  No words were spoken as Killian pulled back and pushed himself in. Her mouth opened, and a small gasp escaped, but that was it until the next one came. Gasp after gasp, thrust after thrust, Killian sexed East into a frenzy.

  With every stroke he gave her, he made sure to look into her eyes. He may not have had anything to say, but he still wanted to understand. Maybe her gaze could give him some feeling of truth.

  “I know what you’re thinking.” She moaned.

  “No, you don’t. Be quiet.” Killian pulled out and stood up on the side of the bed. “Turn around.”

  East slid from the bed and tooted her body up toward him. Killian wasted no time diving back in. His eyes closed as he held onto her waist from behind.

  “Stay still.” He rubbed his hands all over her round curves. “Stop running.”

  “I’m trying not to.” Her whining turned him on.

  “Baby, stop moving,” he moaned to her when he noticed the white cream coming from her body was getting thicker. “Oh, shit.”

  Killian pushed deeper and deeper before snatching out and dropping to his knees behind her. He had to get a taste. It was looking too good for him to let go to waste. The first lap of his tongue sent shivers all through his body. He was fucking addicted. Onyx was a fucking fool to think sex didn’t make a nigga feel better.

  Killian ravished her juices as she repeatedly moaned. Her back arched, and she’d propped one of her legs on the bed in front of her. At first, he’d assumed it was so he could have more access, but that theory went out the window as soon as she put the other on the bed as well.

  With an open palm to the side of her butt, he stopped her. “Don’t run. You know you want me to eat it.”

  “Kill.” She whimpered his name and fell forward.

  With a nose and mouth full of her flavor, Killian was back on his feet and dipping into her body. “I told you, you’re pregnant. Ain’t no normal pussy this juicy.”

  East looked over her shoulder at him, slinging her hair to one side. Close enough to his hand for him to grab it, Killian tangled her tresses in his fist and pulled her head backward. The heat warming his dick had him in such a zone that he momentarily lost his mind.

  “You having my fucking baby, East.” He pushed harder and snatched her head backward. “You hear me?”

  East tried to nod, but he had her head pulled at an awkward angle, she couldn’t. She moaned her understanding instead.

  “You like the way I’m fucking you, don’t you?”

  “I love it.” Her small voice found its way out.

  “You better.” Killian kissed down the center of her back. “Man, bae.” He was on the edge, and he could feel it. “I’m so addicted to making love to you.”

  His heart beat faster and faster the closer he got to his climax. Dammit, he needed to see her. He wanted to look in his baby’s eyes when he busted. With urgency in his movements, Killian pulled out once again and picked East up from the bed. Her legs quickly went around his waist as his dick found its way back to her love. Once again filled up, East’s head fell backward.

  Killian enjoyed the look on her face. The way she rocked his body was something to write home about, even though he’d never write and tell anybody about that shit. She was his. He didn’t need anyone getting any ideas that would send him to jail because he’d surely kill somebody about East’s sex. It was fucking heroin.

  “Do you understand me when I say I’m addicted to you?” Killian pressed her back into the wall and worked himself in and out of her.

  “Yeah.” She nodded in a rush. “I’m addicted to you too.” Her pretty eyes were on him. “I’ll kill you if you ever try to take it from me.”

  Confidently, Killian smiled at her.

  Her eyes rolled dramatically. “Keep smiling at me like that. It makes me fucking crazy... and happy all at once.”

  “You my girl forever.” He pecked her lips repeatedly until they both reached their peak.

  While they fought to regain their composure, East kissed him. She pecked and licked his chest, neck, face, and had even dropped to his stomach and eventually his softening dick. Killian massaged her back while she kissed him but stopped her once she made his knees shake. Sucking his dick the way she was made him quiver, and he didn’t need that. They weren’t at home, and he wasn’t about to moan like a bitch in somebody else’s house.

  “Stop that.” He slapped her bare butt.

  East sat up and rubbed the spot he’d just hit. On her knees in front of him, she waited with questioning eyes.

  “Let’s get dressed, and then you can tell me about this shit.”

  “I was scared you wasn’t coming back.”

  Killian closed his eyes and exhaled. “I ain’t leaving you.” His eyes were low when he looked at her. “Put your clothes back on. I’ll always come back.”

  East quickly wiped the rising tears from her face and stood to her feet. He watched her pull her shorts back on before rushing out of the room. When she came back, she had a washcloth. The warm, soapy cloth slid over his midsection, wiping away the leftover love they’d made. When she was finished with him, she pushed her shorts down and cleaned herself as well.

  Killian watched, enthralled by everything about her. The intimacy of their moment, even the comfort they shared. Everything about it was real, and he wasn’t giving it up. Not if he could help it. Hopefully, after the truth came out, he would be able to help it.

  2. Love　Me　Until　I’m　Me　Again

  The cool air was harsh but relaxing as Killian and East sat on the back porch of her parents’ home. The wicker swing they’d been sitting on for the past few minutes had been her favorite thing while growing up. It was always the perfect way to settle down. The constant movement was soothing and calmed her in unimaginable ways.

  Much like Killian. He was a soother. A comforter for her, so to have them both at that very moment was the only thing that gave her the nerve to divulge her hidden secret.

  “Pull your hat over your ears,” Killian casually told her. “It’s cold as shit out here.”

  East swooned at the way he loved her. He took care of her no matter what. Even the smallest words and gestures kept her aware of his feelings. There was nothing like it. Which was another reason why she was about to tell him what he wanted to know. Anything to keep him.

  After pulling her hat down further over her ears, East looked at Killian. He looked so thugged out and handsome in his black pea coat and Jordans. The gold jewelry and fitted cap made the ensemble look cool, while the coat made him look like the successful businessman that he was. Killian… her sweet, sweet Killian. The smooth coal-colored skin was shiny even in the nippy, cool air, while the sexy bottom lip that she spent the majority of her time sucking on hung slightly open. She was in love.

  “Jesse and I were good in the beginning. Everything was cool, you know? We just worked. He wasn’t as passionate as you are, but he showed me enough attention. Our relationship was a good one in the beginning, but after a while, he started cheating and doing all types of disrespectful stuff. He even put his hands
on me a few times.”

  Killian’s head quickly spun in her direction, displaying the scowl on his face. “That nigga was beating yo’ ass?”

  “Kind of, but it was only a couple of times, and I hit him back. I didn’t just lay down and take it,” East assured him. “With me and him, it was always too much going on. It was like we could never just get right, and that got old fast. So, I guess that’s when the cheating started for him. At first, he would try to hide it, but it was like after I caught him the first time, he just didn’t care no more. I started catching him up all the time then. It didn’t take me long to get fed up and try to leave.” East shook her head and looked off in the distance. “He hated that. He started begging, buying gifts, and doing whatever it took to make me happy. He promised to change and do better, so since I loved him, I stayed and tried to make it work.”

  “He was lying.” Killian’s tone was nasty.

  East giggled at his dislike for Jesse.

  “For real, niggas never change. We just say that shit. If we do it one time, we might try not to, but we’ll always end up doing it again.”

  “So, you’re going to keep cheating on me with Sheena?”

  He frowned. “Hell nah.”

  “That’s basically what you just said.”

  He twisted his mouth to the side and shook his head. “Well, I take that back. Other niggas will never change.” A sly smile spread across his face. “I will. I been delivered.”

  “Oh my god, shut up.” East’s snickers meshed with his as they leaned on each other until their laughter subsided.

  “Get back to your story.” He pulled the strands of hair that were stuck to her lip gloss from her mouth and tucked them behind her ear.

  “We tried to fix it for a while, and things were good, so good that he kept talking about starting a family. He already had that little boy, but he wanted a daughter too. I didn’t. I told him over and over that I didn’t want a baby. I was taking birth control and everything, but somehow I got pregnant anyway.” East paused and recalled the darkest part of her life. “When I got pregnant, I was devastated because I felt like he’d trapped me. I was very clear about my feelings toward kids, and he still didn’t care.”

  “Why you kept fucking the nigga if you knew he wanted to give your ass a baby?”

  East wasn’t a fan of the accusing tone Killian was using with her. “You want to give me one. Have I stopped fucking you?”

  Killian looked at her like she was crazy. “Say some stupid shit like that to me again.”

  “It’s not stupid, it’s the truth.”

  “Nah, what’s going to be the truth is when I tell your parents I knocked your fucking head off for talking crazy to me.”

  “Whatever, Killian. You’re so one sided.”

  “No, I ain’t. I’m your husband, not some cheating ass nigga who dogs you every chance I get.”

  East sucked her teeth and rolled her eyes at him. She wanted so badly to be petty and bring up the sex he’d had with Sheena so he could see where he had her fucked up at but chose not to. There was no reason to even stoop that low when clearly, he was just upset about her relationship with Jesse. He was entitled to his little tantrum, so she spared him. But if he kept coming at her the way he was, she was going to fire his ass up, and that was a promise.

  “You ever try to stop fucking me, I’ll take it.”

  East smirked. “You’ll take it?”

  Killian nodded. “And don’t sit here like you don’t want me to. You love when I kiss on you and shit. Ain’t no way you’d be able to push me off you.”

  “Facts, but this ain’t about us. This is about me and that clown.”

  “Ain’t shit about y’all no more. Matter of fact, it ain’t no damn y’all. It’s a you and a him.”

  East smiled at his possessiveness. She pecked the side of his mouth a few times to make him smile.

  “You right. I got you, boo.”

  Killian nodded and looked away.

  “Okay, so after I got pregnant, I was depressed the whole time. I don’t believe in abortion, nor did I want to just give her away to strangers, so I kept her.” East held her head down.

  Killian grabbed her chin and pushed it back up. “Don’t hold your head down. You don’t have to be ashamed in front of me. I’ll never judge you.”

  “My pregnancy was horrible. On top of me being sick every day, mentally, it was pure torture. I fought with myself every day because I didn’t understand how I could be her mother and not want her. It was so hard for me. I literally hated myself for the way I felt, but I felt how I felt. I didn’t want a baby. So, obviously, after being depressed for ten months straight, when she came out, I suffered with post-partum.”

  “That’s the depression pregnant girls get, right? The one that makes you not want your baby?”

  East nodded. “Yeah, but it’s deeper than that. It’s not anything you can control. People judge you, thinking every woman is supposed to be all motherly and in love and all that other blah blah blah stuff, but post-partum depression is real. You don’t even realize how bad you are until it’s too late. I looked at her every day and felt nothing.” Tears were falling from East’s eyes, so Killian scooted over and wrapped his arm around her shoulder.

  Nestled snugly to his chest, East cried. She cried for a while before she was able to talk again. Not being a part of her daughter’s life wasn’t the best feeling, but she hadn’t been ready for that back then. Her mind just hadn’t been in it, and she at least loved her enough not to put her in harm’s way by keeping her.

  “It was like everybody understood it but Jesse and Sasha.”

  “Fuck them.”

  East sniffed. “I know, but I kind of understand. As her father, I’m sure it was hard for him to watch me not love his daughter the way a mother should, and Sasha has wanted a baby forever. She just hasn’t been successful yet.”

  “Maybe if she gets off her ass and loses some of that weight, she’ll have some.”

  East pinched his stomach.

  “I’m for real. After women lose weight, it’s easier for them to get pregnant. It sounds mean, but it’s the truth.”

  “I keep forgetting you’re a trainer.” East looked up at him.

  “Yeah, I know my shit.” He pecked her head. “Finish telling me.”

  “Well, it’s not much more to tell. I had her, almost killed myself, got committed to a mental ward for a couple of days, and then I left.”

  “Say what?” Killian stopped her.

  East had tried to skip over that part fast, but he’d caught her. Ashamed, East sat up but looked away. She wasn’t proud of that stage in her life, but it was what it was. She couldn’t take it back. No matter how much she wanted to.

  “I left the house one day with the intent to drive my car into a wall… tree… something, anything, but as I was leaving, my daddy was coming to check on me. He kept asking me where I was going, but I couldn’t tell him. Once he realized the baby was in the house alone, he called the ambulance and had me taken to the hospital. I hated him for it then, but I love him now.” East finally had enough nerve to look at Killian. “I was going to kill myself, and I don’t even know why. I was so sad and out of my mind. I don’t think it became as noticeable until that day. After that, they no longer forced her on me. My parents helped Jesse while I tried to get myself together.”

  East looked at Killian. He was extremely quiet and no longer looking at her. Her heart grew fearful. She didn’t want to scare him off, especially since she was more than positive that she was pregnant with his baby at that very moment. She hadn’t taken a test or anything, but she had indeed noticed some changes in her body. Not to mention the way they sexed regularly with no protection.

  With her nerves in a ball, East scooted closer to Killian and shook his arm until he looked at her. “I promise I didn’t want to feel like that. I’m not a bad person, and I don’t even think I would be a bad mother, but I just couldn’t do it. I don’t know why, but I co
uldn’t.” East’s cries became hysterical as she allowed all of her pent-up emotions to come rushing out. “I tried to love her, I tried to get back to myself, but I couldn’t. I promise I tried, Killian.”

  “It’s okay. Stop crying.” Killian hugged her to him and rubbed her back. “You couldn’t control it. That’s nothing you can help. Depression is real, and a lot of people ignore that shit. Especially black folks.” He kissed her head. “It’s aight. I got you.”

  “What if I’m pregnant now, and it’s the same way?”

  Killian looked away before shrugging. “It’ll be cool. I’ll take care of both of y’all.”

  East melted into him some more. Killian was the absolute best. Jesse had been nothing like that. On top of cheating her entire pregnancy, he was never there for her. Only made things much worse.

  “I hate him because I had been there for him through everything in his life. All the hard times, good times, broke times, anything. I was there for him, and when I needed him the most, he was nowhere to be found.” East wiped her face. “You know that’s what hurt me the most. When I didn’t even know who I was, he left me to go crazy by myself.” East was in a daze. “I would have never done him like that.” She shook her head.

  “If something like that had happened to him, I would have been right there nursing him back to himself. Not in the streets fucking off.” East grabbed Killian’s hand. “Do you know that he had a whole different girlfriend while I was pregnant and during the whole time I was suffering from my depression? I mean, real life had a key to her apartment, buying her shit, spending holidays with her, anything you can think of, he was doing it with that fucking girl.” East’s chest sank as the betrayal resurfaced in her soul.

  It was crazy how something that old still hurt her just as bad. She was heartbroken when she’d found out about Jesse’s deceit. She’d known he’d cheated in the past, but never had he been in a whole relationship. That had been just too much. Versus being there with her and making sure she was good, he was out in the streets dogging her worse.

  “And I knew that hoe. She’d met me multiple times, smiling in my face like the devil she was. If I ever see her again, I’d run her over with your car.”